it's a christmas eve miracle

Jenna is updating her blog. Actually, I just wrote this for my parents for Christmas and I thought I'd share it here. It isn't what I imagined but I think they'll like it anyway. I just wanted to put into words a few of the things that stick out in my mind and let them know what those things mean to me. So here it is:

A valuable lesson to teach a daughter

I don’t know if he ever actually said it, but for some reason I have the picture in my head of the times that he did. Multiple times that I sat on his lap or he on the edge of my bed and told me that I could be anything that I wanted to be. Not to let anyone ever tell me differently.

When so many girls get nothing but criticism or worse from their fathers, for some reason, I got the good one.

My parents gave me the greatest gift that parents can give a child- security. The confidence that comes with knowing that no matter how far you fall, there will always be a safe place to land. My father added to that landing place, a desire to jump. When I was younger, it was a physical jump.

“We’re in a cave, mommy,” I explained as my father patiently videotaped the whole adventure for my mom, home with the baby brother who was the reason for the trip. My father had decided that at the sensitive age of four, his attention hungry daughter needed the spotlight all to herself for a few days. This might have also been a break for my mother now that I think about it.

“It’s so short that Daddy had to crawl. But I was just right.” For some reason, this trip has always stuck in my head as the representation of the relationship between my father and me. It represents all the roller coasters he took me on. All the science projects we did together. All the ways he pushed me to embrace the sense of adventure I now know he always knew I had in me.

My dad and I were the ones on the roller coasters, and my mom was always waiting for us when we got off. She has always been there supporting me at the end of every ride. As a child I was sick a lot, and although I was overly dramatic at times, my mom always gave her attention freely. I remember once when I was very sick complaining to her about how bad I felt, and she said to me, “If I could take it away I would. If I could be sick instead of you, I would do it in a heartbeat.” And I knew she would. And somehow that made it feel better.

“Why are you putting makeup on?” I asked my mother as I sat on her bed watching Oprah after school. I remember being so confused. It was four o’clock. Dinner was in the oven. We weren’t going anywhere. “I just want to look nice for your dad when he gets home.” The thought had never even occurred to me. In a time where it seems to be a battle between empowered-working-mom and the mom who freshens up her makeup as dinner is in the oven, my mom showed me how to be both.

That physical jump that my dad encouraged, the make up tips from my mom, all obviously have come to mean so much more to me as I stand on the cusp of the big-girl world. And while my mother still laments the fact that I don’t know how to make gravy, she and my father have taught me so much more. How to jump. How to land. How to live.

dirty rotten scoundrels

Just in case you were wondering what had happened to me, I haven't died. I have 5 final exams between tomorrow evening and Monday afternoon so I've been trying to be a good student. I have lots of things to blog about over my Christmas break. But I thought I'd share- if you're looking for something to do this weekend in Indy you should go see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels at Clowes. It was the second in the Broadway Across America Series that Josh and I have season tickets to. A bit of a slow start, but a funny musical with great voices and a very clever plot. I guess it's based on a 1980's movie by the same title starring Steve Martin. Definitely worth your time. Enjoy your holidays- I'll be doing the same come Monday night!

birthday

Today I am another year older. When my friend Mark called me tonight he said, "good job staying alive." Yup. But more than that, I felt very blessed today. Birthdays are kind of a selfish day, but my birthday always reminds me of how lucky I am to have so many people in my life that care about me. On Thursday, Kent, Robert, Laurann and I went out to dinner at The Spaghetti Factory to celebrate Laurann and my birthdays. On Friday, Matt took me to see Cinderella at the Wagon Wheel Theater in Warsaw (more to come on this) and out to dinner. On Saturday, Kristin and Lacey put a candle in my blueberry muffin. Jenni gave me the gift of Starbucks. I had Ivanhoes with my college roommates one last time (above). Josh gave me a book that he wanted to share with me. Mark called to catch up. Brit sent me chocolate in the mail. Tiff sent a cute e-card. My mom made me pizza casserole and my dad cried while saying the prayer before dinner (to which I said, "I don't know what you're crying about Dad. I haven't grown up yet- I live right upstairs") Yup, I'm blessed.

career search possiblility #1: master coffee cupper

Ok, not really. But as you you know, I love to share a good NPR story, and as I was in my car this morning I heard one. It was about Tracy May Adair, master coffee cupper at Folgers. Yes, that's right, master coffee cupper. I had never thought about this before, but apparently, every batch of coffee has to be tasted to make sure that they all have the exact same taste. Which makes sense. If you go to buy Folgers, you want it to taste like the last batch of Folgers you had. As I was drinking my Starbucks (which I brewed, not bought), Morning Edition was bringing me joy once again.

The funniest thing is this: these people do not sip the coffee, they slurp it, creating a "mist" of coffee in their mouths. Adair pointed out that most of your sense of taste involves "smelling from inside of your mouth" anyway. Then they spit the coffee back out, which is a good thing since one person tastes anywhere from 60 to 400 cups a day. Adair does not taste every single cup. She has "calabrated" the palates of the nine other testers who work for Folgers to be exactly like hers. It's kind of funny to think that the taste of every cup of Folgers coffee is based on the palate of one woman- that's power!

Unfortunately, I don't think I have a future as a coffee tester seeing as they probably don't let you put copious amounts of creamer and Splenda in the taste samples:)

Enjoy your coffee, and have a wonderful day!

a fine mantra

The balance between being real and being negative. It's a hard one to strike. I have found myself in a phase of my life lately that hasn't been my favorite one. When you're in your twenties, people are always asking you what you're doing, what you plans are, who you're dating. And the trouble is, so many times, you don't know. Or at least I don't. My fall-back answer? Thirty is the new twenty. In other words, back off.

So when people ask me how I'm liking grad school, I've taken to answering honestly. I was tired of lying. Of saying that things were fine when I didn't feel like they were. But I think that I've discovered that there are good and bad things about both. It's ok to say that you're not fine. Sometimes voicing it gives you the power you've been needing to do something about it. To realize that it's ok to change paths if you don't like where the one you're on is leading you. But I've also realized that after you've voiced your frustrations, after you've gotten the motivation you need, you can go back to saying you're fine again for awhile. People are going to keep asking you the questions. You're going to have to keep answering again and again. And what you say over and over again becomes your mantra.

As someone who has always loved words, I've come to realize that a mantra is a powerful thing. My childhood copy of Charlotte's Web still has an honored place on my bookshelf because it holds a special meaning to me. My second grade teacher read it to us, a chapter at a time, after recess. And truly, I will never forget the way that I felt when, as she read the part of the book where Charlotte dies, she cried. Books are powerful. Words on a page can move people. And so can the words you repeat. Can the key to changing your attitude be as simple as changing your mantra? Kinda, yeah. Because as much as I like and appreciate honestly, saying over and over again that I hate grad school doesn't make me like grad school any more, nor does it make me feel any better. It just makes me dwell on the fact that I hate grad school. So why not try to pick out something good? Why not be thankful for all the incredible things in my life (of course that's where this is going, it's Thanksgiving).

I have an education, one of the most empowering things a person can ever have. I have the most wonderful parents a person could ask for. I have friends who love me for who I am, and who understand the new twenty. So I am fine. Always. In the big picture, I am always fine.

Wicked

As promised, I now have something to write about! Josh and I had an amazing weekend in Chicago. Here we are in front of Ryan and Betsy's apartment. They're friends of mine from high school who were nice enough to let us stay with them. We love getting all dressed up to go out on the town!After we got downtown, we had some Chicago style hotdogs for dinner. Getting downtown was a feat in and of itself since though I have been to Chicago many times, this was my first time driving into the city. We sat at the window and people-watched while we ate our hotdogs in style! I love hotdogs, especially Chicago style.
We were there when the doors opened we were so excited! Here we are in front of the theater. You can't see but Josh has on a green tie to match my green purse- black and green, get it? For Wicked!
You aren't supposed to take pictures at all but we snuck a couple- how can you resist? As you can tell, we were very high up, but right in the center. The show was soooooo good. If you like musical theater and you haven't seen this show, you just have to.
After the show we walked up Michigan to Cheesecake Factory. Please see picture number one for the shoes I was wearing. Then we took our picture in front of the same Christmas tree as last year. We're very into traditions:) Hard to tell it's a Christmas tree when you take the picture yourself, but trust me.
On Saturday we went shopping and city seeing until the parade. On this weekend, every year, they have a parade to light up the city for Christmas. It was cold and kind of rainy, but we stuck it out like the city-lovers that we are. Afterwards, however, I wasn't loving the city so much when we got stuck in the most annoyed, JAM-PACKED crowd I have ever been in. Thank goodness we had gone to put all of our things in the car before the parade and fireworks.

Such a fun weekend and so nice to get away with a good friend every once in a while.

one of my favorites

Both the poem and the poet.

Praying

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

- Mary Oliver

boring

So I haven't really had much to write about lately. I am at the tail end of my last burst of exams before finals. I have two next week and then three whole weeks to prepare for finals. Thank goodness.

My friend Robert and I had sushi last night which is always good, but I tend not to take pictures in restaurants and since a lot of the fun things I do involve restaurants, I never have any pictures to post. But I will have some to post next weekend- because Josh and I are going to Chicago to see WICKED!!!! I am sooo excited. Not only do I love Chicago all the time, but next weekend is the Festival of Lights parade and the beginning of holiday shopping. I have also been wanting to see Wicked for so long now. The wait is almost over.

Ok, I'm going to work on a new venture: making flashcards on the computer. Hopefully it will be successful.

we're all going to die

So my virology professor is crazy. She is a yellow journalist if even I have met one. Since someone asked me for a definition the other when I was talking about this, I will provide one here. Yellow journalism is sensational journalism, exaggeration for the sake of selling papers. Well my prof is convinced that we're all going to die of the Bird Flu once the virus mutates so that it can be transmitted by human to human contact.

The concept of viruses is interesting. I read a book for that class by Richard Preston, The Hot Zone. Good but scary book. It's about Ebola, but at the end, Preston makes an interesting comparison. Preston says that viruses may be the earth's immune system. Just as our immune systems have mechanisms for fighting off "invaders," Preston says that viruses might be nature's way of fighting off its invaders- us.

My professor might be right. We might all die.

But what I really wanted to say is this: I don't really care. Before you think I'm being morbid, let me explain. The other day in class, I turned to my friend (who is also a Christian), and I asked her if she thought that we didn't care about this is much since we're Christians. We agreed that that was true. Our professor is talking about stockpiling! That's a little extreme for my tastes. But when I turned to my other friend and said, "So I might die tomorrow, so what?" She looked at me like I was a crazy person.

My friend Chase is living in a dangerous neighborhood in Chicago where there was just a gang related shooting. Yeah, this world is dangerous. Yup, sometimes we have to go to dangerous places to do the things we feel called to do. I guess I'm just saying that my faith in God and my assurance in heaven give me the confidence to do what I need to do and go where I need to go despite the dangers always around the corner.

accent with a cherry on top, please

What girl doesn't love a guy with an accent? British, Brazilian, and even the occasional Birmingham have all been known to perk up my ears.

What got me thinking about this was my study break to Starbucks. I guess I could just call it my Starbucks break. I recently heard a comedian say, "At my house we don't call it Starbucks, we call it four-bucks." Funny, but a topic for another time. Writing this blog is my second break just in case you were wondering.

---

"I'd like a grande caramel light frappuccino, please."
"Nope," the guy behind the counter says jokingly. Because he wants to hear me say:
"Pretty please...with a cherry on top?" So I do.

But the guy making my drink is unfamiliar. Somehow, on Southport Road, not only is the new Starbucks guy British-ish, but so is the lady in front of me. So they have a fairly lengthy conversation about where they're from and how they got here (instead of making my drink), but I don't mind because it is interesting and I am eavesdropping.

The new employee seems about 35 and resembles Russell Crowe (who I am aware is from Australia). He hands me my light frappuccino, which apparently, pretty-please-with-a-cherry-on-top didn't tell him was supposed to have whipped cream. They assume that people who order light frappuccinos don't want whipped cream. But I do. So I sweetly ask Russell Crowe to add a bit for me. As he hands me back my drink, he says, in the cutest accent, "There ya go, flower." Melting occurs.

If pretty-please-with-a-cherry-on-top had called me flower, I would have thought he was a weirdo. Russell Crowe, on the other hand, can call me anything he wants.

---

PS: I just found the coolest website that has recordings of people from all over the world saying the same phrase to compare accents. It I wasn't supposed to be studying, I'd still be on there. Check it out. If you're as much of a language nerd as I am, you'll absolutely love it!

PPS: Kent pointed out that Russell Crowe is from New Zealand. And he was born there, but he grew up in Australia. I said, "Whatever. The important thing is that he now works at my Starbucks."

trick or test

I have been studying all weekend. Because of Halloween. Yes, that's right. Because of Halloween.

I was scheduled to have two exams this coming Tuesday: Plant Molecular Bio and Regenerative Bio. Thanks to the idiots in my class, I am still scheduled to have two exams this coming Tuesday.

Our regenerative prof said, "So I hear that some of you would prefer to have this exam on Thursday." And I was thinking, thank you Jesus. "Let's take a vote," he said. "How many would prefer that the exam still be on Tuesday as scheduled?" And over half the class raised their hands! My jaw dropped. What in the world are they thinking? Most of these people are in my Plant class. Apparently they want to be able to go to drunken Halloween parties on Wednesday night without having to worry about an exam the next day. Let's just say I was slightly pissed.

So for this reason I am spending the whole weekend studying for two exams that are on the same day. Did I mention that these are the two classes in which I did the worst on the first round of exams?

I hate studying. And I hate saying no to fun stuff in order to study. My friends wanted me to go out with them last night, but I knew that I would spend the whole time feeling guilty about not studying. Unfortunately, I am getting old and cannot seem to study past about midnight. My brain just shuts off. So having fun and then coming home to study is not an option. I resent this grad program that I am in not only because I cannot see how it is going to benefit me in the future, but also because it is keeping me from enjoying my life right now. I hate missing out on things. I refuse to listen to my ipod in public places because I might miss something interesting that is going on around me. And I think this is a good thing for the most part. But I also need to remember that life will go on without me. And that I now have a much better understanding of DNA than I did a month ago. That's beneficial, right?

How I got to self-analysis from Halloween I do not know. Actually, I do. Too many flashcards.

no ifs ands or ...

Butts.

Thank you NPR for a good laugh on the way to work this morning.

They reported a story out of Dallas, Texas where deputy mayor Dwaine Caraway, tried to pass a law banning saggin'. Probably the funniest thing of all was hearing the person on NPR say the word saggin'. Saggin', no sagging. Thanks for getting that right, NPR.

Apparently, for some, the trend has moved from showing your boxers to not wearing any underwear at all?! Thankfully I haven't seen this one.

Obviously they learned that you can't really make a law against saggin' pants. But they can still do something about it. A rapper named Dewayne Brown aka Dooney saw Caraway on tv and had already been working on a song called "Pull Your Pants Up." How perfect.

As they played clips of the song on NPR I was laughing out loud in my car. What a great way to start off the morning.

Here's the actual story that they read if you want to check it out.

You really should go to the website and click on the audio file under the picture above to hear the song. It's hilarious.

a little poetry

I was thinking about this poem today and so I thought I'd put it up here. It's one that I wrote for my creative writing class my junior year.

scalpels at supper

It seems they’re hardly ever there together,

but still each night she makes a meal for two.

She understands the weight the scalpel bears;

he takes her place when power shifts at five.

They love their work, but hate the separation.

At times it’s hard to love each other quite enough.

He’s always saying they should quit obsessing

about the cuts: incisions, needles, guts.

She says that it’s ok for them to dwell

on things that they both love, that brought them here

to this: it’s five am, she waits for him

to eat the meal she made for them last night.

She just ate breakfast and he’s too tired

to eat. But for now, they just let it go.

computer woes

You should be able to see the pictures on my last post now. My computer is getting old and sad. I've had to completely rebuild it the past few days. Not take it apart, just wipe it clean and start over. Obviously, like I could take apart a computer.

who says living at home isn't fun?

Well I never had a problem with moving back in with my parents when I finished undergrad. It represented that I wasn' t exactly where I wanted to be with my life, but the actual living arangement is quite nice. When my brother isn't home for the weekend, it's just me and my parents. We get along well. They don't care where I go or how late I'm out. We go out to eat a lot. My mom and I go shopping. Life here is good. And luckily, I have good friends here. We went miniture golfing last weekend and I thought I'd post a few pictures on here.

This would be me- the second place finisher

Robert- the winner

Notice that he was also the score keeper:)

Kent claims I was trying to take a picture of his butt.

Me and Melanie

After this happened for the second time, Kent and I decided that the pink and orange ball just wanted to be together. The pink one was Kent's of course.

And here's a picture of Josh and I heading off to our first of six shows that we have season tickets for! This was Cirque Dreams and it was really good. Next we'll be seeing Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and, true to form, I think we basically already know what we're going to wear:)

And here are a few more pictures. Since I cleaned my room today I thought I'd take a few pictures of my "new apartment."

This is my bedroom

And my living room

And of course my office.

an ode to public radio

I'm just gonna throw it out there: I love NPR. I realize that I am only 22. I realize that many of the people who also love NPR are 40 or older. And I do not care. Because I love NPR. Just in case you don't know, NPR is National Public Radio. And National Public Radio is not songs and commercials- it's programming.

Why am I feeling so complelled to write about my love of NPR? Because all week now, they have been doing their fall pledge drive. Since NPR is programming and not songs and commercials, they need a lot of support from their listeners. Up until about a month ago, I was a part time NPR listener. But for the past few weeks, my radio dial has not left 90.1 WFYI. And I think this is for good. And the pledge drive, as annoying as it can be, worked. They finally convinced me to be not only a listener, but a supporter. I am now a member of WFYI Public Radio. At the age of 22.

Why do I love public radio? The number one reason boils down to this: it's hypnotic. I simply cannot turn the dial. There is something compelling about it. I will not turn the dial, despite the fact that they tell me to call in with my support every 10 minutes. I listen to author interviews about books about subjects in which I will never be interested. If you love NPR too, you understand. It's hypnotic.

I am a practical person, and so it only makes sense that I would love a practical radio station. I feel such a sense of accomplishment at the end of every commute. I have heard the day's news. I now know about upcoming community events. I have been transported back to a time when "shows" were on the radio and not the television.

My favorite show is "This American Life" with Ira Glass, over which I have connected with several friends. More than any other type of radio, NPR is radio which connects people. I like country music, you like country music, so what. But if you listen to NPR, I automatically like you. In undergrad, my friend Brian and I would often begin conversations with, "Did you hear This American Life last week?" And my friend Amy and I were talking before our class the other day and the following conversation ensued:

Amy: You'll probably think I'm crazy, but have you ever heard of 'This American Life'?
Me: Oh my gosh, I LOVE that show.
Amy: You are the first person who has ever answered yes to that question!

Instant connection.

I was meeting some friends to play mini golf last weekend and I was sitting in the parking lot with my windows down when my friend Kent pulled up next to me with his window down. He looked over and smiled, "We're listening to the same radio station." Connection. We now both know that the appendix might be useful after all.

I could obviously go on and on, but I will end with one of the first moments that got me on the road to being hooked. Several years ago, my friend Shane and I were driving home from a late dinner and listening to NPR. We weren't saying anything, we were hypnotized. Finally one of us said, "Sometimes I can't even tell if this was recorded yesterday or fifty years ago!" And I like that. I don't even know what program it was. But it was NPR.

The Alchemist

"Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho-

The Alchemist is a fable about dreams. Not the ones that you have while you're sleeping- the ones you have while you're awake. The ones that drive your decisions and feed both your fear of failure and your desire to have everything that you ever wanted. I read this book awhile ago, before I knew that I wasn't going to medical school this year. At that point, I still wanted to go to medical school. At this point, I don't.

The decision that I made more than four years ago was only the beginning of things. I decided to do the pre-med thing. And I don't regret that decision even for a moment. That path led me to countless mentors. It led me to the three best girlfriends a person could ask for. I know that I made pivotal life relationships in undergrad because of the fact that I was pre-med.

I was pre-med. I hadn't thought about this until about 10 seconds ago. I was pre-med. I wasn't a pre-med major, I was pre-med. The most common response to the question, "What are you studying?" goes something like, "I'm a ______ major." But when you ask a pre-med person this, they usually do not say, "I'm a premed major" or even "I'm a biology major," but they say, "I'm pre-med." More than many other majors, pre-med defines who you are. You are driven. You have what it takes. You live in the library. Most of your friends are pre-med. You love words like phosphorylation and any word that ends in -ase.

But I'm probably biased.

For me, being pre-med definitely infiltrated my personality. Almost everything I did was somehow tied to the fact that I was going to be a doctor. This is why, when I didn't get into medical school this past year, I felt like my world was going to fall apart. Truly. I didn't know who I was anymore. And this wasn't just because I didn't get into medical school. It was because I started thinking that maybe it was a good thing that I didn't get into medical school. I started thinking it even more when I did horribly on my MCAT exam, and even more when I began graduate school. Graduate school that I was doing to improve my chances of getting into medical school which I was no longer sure I wanted to get into. That's where I am right now- graduate school that I don't like and don't have much motivation to do well in anymore.

So what I'm trying to decide right now is who I am. The two things that I think about most often are being an English teacher and being a Physician's Assistant. I could be an English teacher next year through a program that places willing bodies in needy schools. I would have to take another year off before applying to PA school in order to fulfill their prerequisites. There's also the more immediate question of whether or not I will finish the second semester of the grad program that I'm in.

I still have a lot of decisions to make. And I realize that I'll be making important decisions for the rest of my life. I do know one thing though, I am no longer pre-med. I no longer have the desire to spend 8 more years in school.

And it feels good to finally be free of that.

the power of postive thinking

So normally I talk about how much I hate IUPUI and the grad program I'm in there. But today I thought I would try to be positive and think about all the things I do like. Here they are:

1. Audiobooks: although I don't like driving so much every day, it does give me the chance to listen to lots of audiobooks. Right now I'm listening to "House of Sand and Fog" - National Book Award Finalist and good listen (especially since it's read by the author).
2. Lots of outdoor tables on the campus of IUPUI at which to sit and study.
3. My JagTag: buys me snacks, copies, and gets me discounts at lots of places.
4. The fact that many of my lectures are recorded and avaliable as podcasts (although I still learn better in class). All of my professors also post very good lecture guides/notes online.
5. Being downtown and close to lots of miscellaneous errands.
6. Free copies of The Indianapolis Star, USA Today, and The New York Times every day at the library.

i should be studying but...

Instead I'm going to write about two things that I've found interesting lately:

IUPUI (where I'm taking grad classes) is a smoke free campus. There are signs everywhere saying this. Yet never in my life have I seen so many people smoking in one place. Maybe I'm just naive after my four years at Indiana Wesleyan, but this is shocking to me. I really think that every other person I walk by on the sidewalk is smoking. Stupid...

One thing that makes me happy is a show I have recently began watching. This show is in its third season on Animal Plant. That's right...Meerkat Manor. I find this show ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING. If you don't know, it's a show about a real group of meerkats. Like the nature shows I grew up watching on PBS, only this is more like a soap opera. Yes, an animal soap opera. You just have to watch it to understand. It comes on Animal Planet on Friday nights (which means that I am admitting that I have such an exciting life that I watch a show about meerkats on Friday nights). I am probably more apt to love this show because I love animals, but really, I am practically hypnotized by it! These animals are so cute.

mcat? what mcat?

So you may have noticed that I haven't been back since the MCAT as I promised. This was pointed out to me today by my friend Brian Doyle who called to make sure that I hadn't jumped off a cliff. I have to say that I'm proud- it's only been a few months, but so far the communication has been flowing between old college friends. At this time I will give a blog shout-out to Brian Doyle, faithful phone call maker and brilliant blog writer. His blog makes me laugh every time. Maybe it's just because I know him, but maybe not:) Check it out.

So you're wondering why I haven't given you an MCAT update. There could be three reasons. One- I did wonderfully and haven't stopped celebrating long enough to update my blog. Two- I did horribly and I haven't stopped crying long enough to update my blog. Three- I've just been lazy. Unfortunately, number one is not true. Number three is and number two is part true. I did do horribly on the MCAT. We'll just say that I lost my mojo and I knew things weren't going well so I voided my scores at the end. This means that while I paid $200 to take this test, the results will never be known. I was bummed yes, but I know it was the right decision.

That said, I don't know if I'm going to take it again. I'm considering other options that I might not have otherwise such as going to med school in Guadalajara or Tel Aviv. I think these adventures might be right up my alley.

Last Wednesday I begun grad school at IUPUI and it seems like it will be difficult but interesting. All of my professors speak great english (sometimes a gamble in the sciences) and seem like they will be very helpful. The program that I am in is called the PreProfessional, Non-Thesis Master of Science Program. This means that it's a program for people who didn't get into med school. For awhile, I affectionately referred to it as "fake grad school," but I am beginning to see that this is not only real grad school, but also a great support group. Two examples. In one class, the professor asked us to write down on a card something to help her get to know us. I jokingly said to my friend next to me, "How about- I am a med school failure." The guy next to me laughed, sighed, and said, "Aren't we all." In another class, the professor had us go around and say our names, where we went to undergrad, and what our plans were. I felt like I was at a support group meeting. "Hi, I'm Jenna. I graduated from Indiana Wesleyan University and I'm trying to get into med school." "Hi, I'm Bob. I graduated from IU and I'm trying to get into med school." Is this really grad school or just a program to make us feel better knowing that we aren't alone? (In all actuality, I'm happy with the way that things have played out).

Ok, I think this is enough for now. I'll be back when I have something interesting to say.

i promise

I promise I still love to blog and will return soon (for any of you who may be checking!). I am taking the MCAT again on Thursday the 16th and I'm trying really hard to be a good studier. This test is uber important and I get really nervous so please keep me in your thoughts and prayers next Thursday and this coming week as I try to cram in as much as possible. Thanks.

my sex education

One of the things that has been the most interesting to me here at Lawndale has been hearing different views on contraception. I came into this very skeptical. I'm very pro-contraception and many doctors at the clinic are not. I'm not quite so sure how I feel about contraception anymore. Here's why.

Many people would say this (like I used to): sure, abstinence is the best thing, but if people are going to have sex anyway, they should at least not be getting pregnant. Or: sure, try to be abstinent, but maybe you should be a birth control anyway just in case you screw up.

Here are some things you should know about the population that the clinic serves. It is probably 95% hispanic and african american and both of these cultures tend to be very religious. If you ask a patient here if they believe in Jesus, almost all will say yes. As my friend Justin said, "It's like: fried chicken, apple pie, and baby Jesus."



We had a conversation about this with Dr. Wayne Detmer whom I very much respect. He used to give out contraception to anyone who wanted it, but for the past year, he's only been giving it to married couples.

Here's why: he says,
"If a patient tells me that they believe in Jesus, I say something along the lines of, 'Well what do you think Jesus would think about you having sex with this person?' (in a non-judgemental, simply curious, tone of voice). And the patients say, 'I know what I'm doing is wrong'.


What Dr. Detmer has struggled with is the question of the fellow Christian. If this patient is saying that they believe in Jesus and that what they're doing is wrong, he's not just dealing with a patient, but with a fellow Christian. And is it wrong for him to endorse the sin of his fellow believer?


Here's the part that really gets me. Many of these girls have never been told that not having sex is an option. You ask them, "Is this the kind of guy you seeing yourself ending up with?" Their reaction is usually a resounding no. And you say, "Is this really what you want to be doing? Is it making you happy?" Not quite so resounding, but also usually a no. And when they hear that they don't have to have sex, the looks on their faces are shocking. Because it seems to plain to me- of course you don't have to have sex. But this is news to them.

Here's the kicker for me. One of the doctors said to us, "If I tell these young girls that they don't have to have sex, that their lives will be less complicated, that they don't want to get STDs, ect, and I say, 'I really think you should try abstinence' and then I give her the birth control anyway, just in case, the message I'm sending is, 'I think you should try to be abstinent, but I don't really believe you can." Wow, I just keep thinking about that. And I'm still not sure what I think.

Many of the patients here need someone to believe in them much more than they need birth control. I just can't get that thought out of my head. If you preach abstinence but continue to give birth control, you're sending the message that you don't believe abstinence is possible. That you don't believe your patients can be abstinent. That's what everyone has always told them. Someone needs to believe in them.

This is probably rambling, but I'm still trying to make sense of it in my head which is why it probably doesn't make sense here. Anyone have any thoughts? I'm open.

i am sooo bad!

Wow, I am so sorry for how horrible I've been able keeping up with my blog since I've been in Chicago. Let me give you two excuses: 1. Our days are sooo long and exhausting and 2. I have been pretty sick this week which adds to the exhaustion.


I am struggling with sinus problems which are affecting my asthma and all of this is not helped by the poor air quality here in Chicago, the necessity of sleeping with the windows open, and living with cats. I don't really feel like I can skip out on things at the clinic so I just try to get a lot of rest while I'm home.


I didn't let my sickness stop me from going out with some of the group on our Wednesday off. We went downtown and got off the train at Millennium Park. For those of you who know Chicago well, you will realize that what I'm about to say is absolutely crazy. From that point, the group decided that they wanted to go to the Lincoln Park Zoo (which for the record is nicer than the Indy Zoo and free as opposed to $13). And they wanted to walk! I knew it was far but I had no idea how far. It took us over and hour to get there! But we got a great walking tour of the city. After the zoo, half the group went home but three of us stayed around for the free concert. It was excellent! There are free concerts in Millennium Park every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday during the summer. Chicago is so much fun!

The whole team at one of our group dinners (here at Dae and Esther's house)

The night before, on Tuesday, I had promised Shane that I would go to Borders on Michigan Ave to get Floyd Landis' book signed for him. It was definitely worth it because I got to have my picture taken with Floyd. He's a really nice guy. In case you don't know, Landis is the guy who won the Tour de France last year and was accused of doping.

Me and Floyd Landis. On a side note: I did not see him put his arm around any other fans.

The project is going well. Our home visits are going much better- we had zero "no shows" this week and made lots of appointments for patients to see their doctors. We felt like we actually accomplished something this week. At our health fair last Saturday, we did over 150 blood pressure and blood glucose screenings! This is really a great step in encouraging people to seek routine medical care.

Our home visit teams
The Chicas: Linda and Jenna

The Hawks: Gabe and Mahate

The Ninjas: Justin and Ibukun

The Canes: Chase and Jess

Some pictures from our first health fair at a local grocery store

On the non-medical side, we have been having great discussions about racial reconciliation during our conference times and we are all making great bonds with the kids that we're mentoring. Hopefully this Sunday, I'll be going with Mayra to her church and then out for some authentic Mexican food in our neighborhood, Little Village.

We have our second health fair tomorrow and hopefully it will be as successful as the first!

Oh yes, and I registered for my grad school classes at IUPUI. I'm getting a master of science degree there this year.

Hopefully it won't be so long before I write again! Thanks for not loosing faith!

a few observations

There were a few things from my day that I wanted to write down:

1. I find it interesting that in the neighborhood where I'm living, the only regular kind of store is Target- the most expensive store of its kind. And it has a Starbucks. Not complaining, just observing.

2. I'm sitting in the kitchen with the balcony door open because it's hot and there is very loud music in Spanish. But it's kind of summery and festive:) I think I like it.

3. What goes around comes around: As I was wheeling my cart of groceries out to my car today a girl probably about my age said, "Excuse me, can I ask you a favor?" I said sure and she told me that her car was sitting at the gas station of the store (Food-for-Less) completely out of gas and her debit card wasn't working. She asked if I would give her 2 or 3 dollars to put a little gas in her car to get back home, adding that she was so embarrassed. I had some cash on me that I gave to her, she thanked me and we parted ways. After I loaded my groceries, I also needed gas so I pulled into the station. As I was filling my tank, the lady at the pump next to me said, "Would you like one of these coupons for 10 cents off per gallon? I have several of them." I couldn't believe it. I had just helped someone pay for their gas and now someone was helping me pay for mine. I say this because I think this is one of the most important lessons that Lawndale has to offer. The people at the clinic may be giving up things to work there, but when you give of yourself in faith (no matter how big or small), you will never be empty. Your cup will overflow.

where has all my time gone?!

I can't believe it's been a week since my last post! Time is really flying here in Chicago. We've been busy with work and a little bit of fun as well:)

This past weekend we went to Taste of Chicago which was fun, but don't worry, the Indiana State Fair is better! Taste of Chicago works like this: a bunch of local restaurants set up booths along Columbus and there are booths where you buy tickets. Then at each food booth, you can buy normal portions for so many tickets, or each booth has a "taste" portion for fewer tickets. We all got a bunch of different things are shared them. Of course I had to get a Chicago style hotdog even though I've tasted them before. I LOVE hotdogs! After the Taste, we went to see Ratatouille. Very cute. I recommend it.

While I'm talking about fun things, we also went to Chicago's big fireworks last night. They do theirs on the 3rd for some reason. The fireworks were amazing, although I've never been in such a huge crowd before. We took public transportation and while it was crowded and a bit uncomfortable, it was very easy- I love a good public transportation system. We have the day off every Wednesday and even though we've only been officially working for 2 days I was definitely ready for a lazy day.

Every morning we have a conference on something. On Mondays we have an hour of time with the highschool kids that we're mentoring. This past Monday was our first chance to really get to talk to them and it went very well. They're excited about spending time with us and although we feel inadequate to be mentors, I think that a lot of positive things will come out of this part of the project. The girl that I'm mentoring is Mayra. She is a great girl with a very positive outlook on life, but her life isn't easy. I would really appreciate your specific prayers for the time that Mayra and I spend together, and that in some way, I would be able to give her what she needs right now.

We also had another conference on Monday where we talked about the pros and cons of being a doctor in the inner city. The guy who led the conference has published a paper about a study that he did on this topic. It was a great conference.

Also on Mondays and Thursdays in the afternoons we shadow different providers at the clinic. This past Monday I was with a male nurse practitioner seeing Family Medicine patients. It wasn't anything terribly exciting, except that it's exciting to see that people are getting their basic health needs met in an affordable and caring setting as opposed to going to the ER. I did get to speak to one patient in Spanish and it was a great encouragement to keep practicing because people really appreciate a kind word in their own language.

Mondays and Thursdays are also the days that we get to have dinner at the home of someone who works in the clinic. This Monday it was the CFO/COO of the clinic. He lives in the neighborhood in a beautifully remodeled house. That's one of my favorite parts about the clinic at Lawndale- so many of the providers live right in the neighborhood and when their patients know that, it really deepens that relationship. I think this has been one of the most important parts of Lawndale's success. This guy's kids go to magnet schools with kids from the neighborhood and play on the same baseball teams. Children are often one of the biggest reasons that people don't live in the neighborhood, but this family really has a great faith that this is where they're supposed to be and that they will be taken care of. I asked them if they had ever had any scary experiences and the father said that while they were remodeling the house was broken into almost every night but that once they moved in 2 years ago, that hadn't happened. "I'm sure we'll get broken into someday," he said calmly, "It's just the reality of the situation." But the people on the block know and trust this family, and that goes a long way.

We had our first home visits yesterday and my team had kind of a frustrating day. But since this post is already long and since it was only the first day I'm going to wait until Friday after our second home visits to write about that.

More soon (and pictures!)

welcome to the windy city

So I'm getting settled in to my July home. And I already LOVE it here at Lawndale. I love the mission, the people, the clinic. This is definitely the type of place that I can see myself working someday. And we haven't even started working yet! Today was our first day of orientation and while it was boring sitting in basically the same room all day it was necessary I suppose. Tomorrow we start learning about how to do home visits!

Yesterday I got here pretty early but it turned out to be a good thing because I just sat around and talked to the other people who got here early. There are 8 of us and we all get along great. It's a really diverse group of people and I think we're going to work very well together.

Our team (minus one)

l to r: Mahate, Ibukun, Linda, me, Justin, Gabe, Chase, and Jess was at a bridal shower

We've already started planning for our first health fair which will take place a week from this Saturday. Once everyone was here we went across the street to Lou Malnotis for dinner. This is a chain of Chicago pizza restaurants owned by Christian brothers. As they were getting ready to open their tenth restaurant, the pastor of the Lawndale Community Church convinced them to do it here in Lawndale- and to give all the profits back to the community! They consider it their tithe (giving 10% back to God). And the people who work at the restaurant are people going through the final steps of a program at the Hope House, a place that helps men with substance abuse issues.


I am staying with another girl from the program, Linda, at Alissa's apartment. Alissa is a pharmacist at the clinic. She just graduated 2 years ago so she's not too much older than us. Lawndale encourages its employees to live in the community (which I think is an important part of its success) so Alissa lives about 0.5 miles from the clinic in a two bedroom apartment.

The family that lives downstairs is very nice. The neighborhood where we live is predominantly Hispanic. It is a bit of a rough place but I feel safe here. Alissa has two cats which, luckily, have not been a problem with my allergies. I try not to touch them much and wash my hands a lot. But it's hard because they're really really cute! Linda and I share a bedroom which we keep off limits to the cats:)

Shadow (the big one) and Jula (the little one)- they own this place!

Today was the company picnic- there are over 300 employees at the clinics three locations! Chase participated in the hula hoop contest at the picnic!

He had quite an audience

This place is growing like crazy. There has been an 80% increase in the number of visits since 2001. The clinic gets a lot of money from Medicaid patients and also just from people who pay cash. If you are uninsured, it costs $15 to see a doctor and have any labs or x-rays that you might need. The pharmacy also provides medications at a very low cost. Much of their funding also comes from government grants. This place is pretty much the mothership of Christian clinics of this magnitude and I feel so lucky to be learning and serving here.

Thanks so much for your support and prayers as I begin this month!

tying up loose ends

My Mexican Parents: Jose Louis and Rosi

Look how tall I am in Mexico!

The Whole Gang

Trent, Diego, Cait, Me, Nelson, Ted and Pau

After being so faithful to my blog for all this time I've been feeling guilty for just leaving things hanging. So here's how my trip ended. My last day in Merida, Diego and I were supposed to go to the zoo so I met him at his school at 10:15 like he told me to. He thought he didn't have classes but he did so during his 20 minute break we just went to the zoo and sat on the bench in front of the giraffes.

Friday was a day of "it's a small world after all." After saying goodbye to Diego at his school I looked across the street and saw Juan, I guy I had just met a couple days before. And before that too. Juan grew up in Xochempich and was at the clinic talking with Dr. Federico the first day that I got there. Then the night we went dancing in Merida, Diego and I went to this restaurant because he wanted to talk to this guy that he knew would be there. It was Juan and we realized that we had seen each other before. And then the day on the street. Is this guy supposed to teach me something? He is an incredible guy. He's an anthopologist with a doctorate who speaks perfect English and recently taught at Indiana University. In January, he'll be teaching at UC Berkley. And before that he has an interview with Mel Gibson to talk about his recent movie, Apocalypto. The movie is about the Mayans and Juan is Mayan. I'm interested to hear about it (we traded emails) and to read his masters thesis about Xochempich. After Juan and I parted ways, I decided I was going to walk home from the zoo (about an hour or so) because I had the time and I wanted to talk a few last pictures. I was about half way there when a van pulled up beside me and someone shouted my name. It was Alicia, a girl I had met when I went to Diego's church with him. She asked me if I wanted a ride but I told her I was enjoying walking and promised that I could ride the bus if I changed my mind. That night when we went for a later dinner at Chilis, she was there! How weird! On that last night Paulina and I went out for iced coffee and then met up with Diego and Nelson for dinner. We drove around in circles for almost an hour before deciding where to go (this is normal for them but it drives me crazy!!!). Ted was in Cancun for work so I had said goodbye to him the night before.

Pau and Diego at Chilis

At 4am on Thursday we woke up and called the boys to make sure they were awake and coming to take us to the airport. When they showed up, Ted got out! He had come back from Cancun. It was sooo nice to have all of my friends at the airport to send me off. I miss them all soooo much already!

Here are the pictures of Pau and I at the airport on the day that I arrived and the day that I left.

above: when I arrived, below: when I left. Yes, I wore the same outfit:)

On the plane from Houston to Merida I was sitting next to an older lady who I could tell was rich and probably divorced. I sneezed and she said, "Salud" which is like "bless you." I said "gracias" and she got so excited and asked me if I spoke Spanish and instead of saying "a little bit" like I usually do, I said yes:) Before the plane had even taken off I knew all about her. She has a huge house in Merida with air conditioning and a pool and she made me promise that I would come stay with her someday. She was serious. We had a great time talking and she said that my Spanish was great (which it's not but it's very much improved). This took my mind off the fact that I only had an hour to get through all the lines in Houston. That's right, in one hour I got off the plane, went through immigrations, collected my bags off the carousel (three suitcases and a backpack...), went through customs, put my two checked backs back on another carousel, went through security where they found a bottle of hot sause in my carryon suitcase that I had forgotten about and aparently had been missed in Merida, and barely made it on to my plane! Whew! For your reference, one hour is the absolute minimum layover time needed when reentering the country!

It's so nice to be back home and spend time with my family and friends. And to eat American food again! And to sleep in my bed! I will be leaving again soon though. I have to be in Chicago by 5pm on Tuesday to start my internship at the clinic there. It's a crazy summer but I'm having a great time and learning sooo much. It's great because many of the clients at the clinic speak Spanish so I'll get to keep practicing! When I get home I'm going to have to find a way to keep speaking- maybe a Spanish-speaking church?

I'll be back soon with stories of Chicago: in the US, but in a world that many people have never experienced. I know it will be a journey.

the countdown: 3 days

Counting today, I only have three more days here in Merida because I fly out on Thursday morning at 7am! I am going to miss my friends here so much but I am excited to sleep in my own bed and enjoy my mom´s cooking for a few days. For those of you who are sad because you´re thinking that I won´t have anything to blog about anymore, do not despair. I still have another adventure this summer! On June 26th I leave for Chicago to be a part of a ministry called Lawndale Summer Health Project. I will be working at Lawndale Christian Health Center which serves a low-income population in Chicago. Check out http://www.lawndale.org/ to find out more about the clinic. Training is the last part of June and the project is during the month of July. I´m very excited about this because I think that this clinic is the type of place that I see myself working someday (like in 9 or ten years...wow...let´s not think about that).

Here is the main body of my support letter which explains a little more about the program. I have been very blessed and have all the financial support I need for the project but I would love to have you support me by reading my blog while I´m in Chicago and keeping me in your prayers.

During the month of July, I will be working at Lawndale Christian Health Center on Chicago’s west-side and I need your support. LCHC is an amazing organization which provides holistic healthcare to members of this impoverished community, regardless of their ability to pay. This is especially exciting to me because this is the kind of place I see myself working when I complete my medical education.

Twice a week I will be shadowing the physicians there – learning from their interactions with patients and watching them share the love of Christ through healthcare. The remaining days, my fellow team-members and I will be out in the Lawndale community, checking up on patients and ensuring that they are following their care regimens for chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes. We will plan, organize, and staff health fairs in the community each Saturday.

One of the most important aspects of this project is mentoring. Not only will I be mentored by the staff at the clinic, but I will be mentoring high school students from the community who are interested in medical careers. They will go with us into the community as our guides to their neighborhoods.

Because Lawndale is committed to holistic, relationship-based care, most members of the staff live in the nearby community. By living with a member of the staff, I hope to better understand the importance of these relationships. There are still costs for the LCHC to sponsor this Summer Medical Project. I need to raise $700 which will cover my housing and food costs as well as training expenses. This is roughly $20 for each of the 33 days that I will be at Lawndale. I would greatly appreciate your support. All donations are tax deductible.

I would love to have a sponsor for each day so that I can personally let you know what I did that day. I will also be writing an online blog (journal) while I am there to keep you all updated on our progress and prayer requests. Whether or not you are able to sponsor me financially, I would appreciate your prayers during this unique chance that I have to serve right here in the US.

Some Statistics about the Lawndale Neighborhood:

North Lawndale
- 93.8% African American
- $18,000 median income
- 59% of children live below the poverty line
- 25.8% unemployed
South Lawndale
- 83% Hispanic
- $32,320 median income
- 32% of children live below the poverty line
- 11.7% unemployed

In recent Merida news:
-Friday night we hung out with Trent and Cait who are here for the rest of my trip and I went with Diego to the young adult program at his church
- Trent, Cait and I watched The Offfice...ahh, American humor:)
- Pau and I spent a nice relaxing Saturday morning at her house
- Saturday afternoon we all went to the beach (minus Ted who was working).
- On the way home we ate ceviche which is cold seafood with chopped up veggies. You get a HUGE plate of fresh seafood for $10!
- Saturday night, Trent, Cait, Diego and I went downtown to go dancing. It was a good time even though I was starting to get a migraine.
- It´s getting hotter here, I´ve been having trouble sleeping :(
- Sunday after church I went with Pau´s parents to visit her mother´s parents and then they dropped me off so I could do some shopping downtown. On Sundays they close off the streets in the middle of downtown and have music and vendors. It´s like a street fair every Sunday- one of my favorites about Merida.

I do have a couple of recent pics but they´re on Ted´s camera so I´ll have to add them later. Sorry.

I can´t believe how fast my time has gone! But I´m so excited to go home with all of my memories already captured. It´s kind of hard to have the "so how was your trip" conversation about a 6 week trip so I´m glad that so many people have been keeping up all along. Thanks so much. I love writing down my memories to share with you.

i hate people who talk in libraries

This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves- people who talk in libraries. Classes are out at the medical school where I use the library here so when I got there today there were a ton of people. Which was fine, I went to my cubicle and started working on GRE which was frustrating me anyway and add to that that there was no place in the library where people weren´t talking. So, doubly frustrated, I left and came back to my house where I finished my GRE practice test in silence. The GRE part is still frustrating.

Yesterday, after doing GRE at the library I decided to check out the zoo which is right down the street. It´s free so I figured why not. It was actually a pretty nice little zoo with a good selection of animals. The funniest thing was when I was standing with a few other people in front of the tigers and one man started to walk away. One of the tigers ran from the other side of its cage and lunged at the man and growled. Luckily there was a fence there but we were all shocked to say the least. Just goes to shows that even animals in zoos are wild animals. Here are some of my favorite pics from the zoo:

As you can see, I really like the birds. Especially the flamingos- they are so fascinating to me. I was wondering, why do flamingos stand on one leg? So being the good scientist that I am, I went to Wikipedia (that´s a joke- both parts) and it said that the reason is not exactly known but that one common suggestion is to conserve body heat. This does not seem necessary to me here in Mexico. It´s also funny because they bend their necks all the way around and rest their heads on their backs. How convenient.

On the way home I snapped a couple more pictures to show you what my everyday surroundings look like:

Coca-Cola EVERYWHERE! This is also the most common form of advertisement, painting on the walls of buildings.

The little grocery store that is close to Pau´s house

My street

Last night, Me, Pau, Nelson and Diego went to hang out at the mall. Pau and I took a moto-taxi. Not living in Mexico, this will not make sense to you but it is literally a taxi pulled by a motorcycle. A little cart with a bench is hooked to the back of a motorcycle. It´s hilarious. Pau, always looking out for you, my blogging audience, insisted on taking pictures.
Finally, this is me before the mall and after Pau asked me if I was going to take a shower. They take so many showers here it´s ridiculous. The look on my face can be translated as, "Another shower?? I´d really rather just lay here in my hammock until we´re ready to go."