a fine mantra

The balance between being real and being negative. It's a hard one to strike. I have found myself in a phase of my life lately that hasn't been my favorite one. When you're in your twenties, people are always asking you what you're doing, what you plans are, who you're dating. And the trouble is, so many times, you don't know. Or at least I don't. My fall-back answer? Thirty is the new twenty. In other words, back off.

So when people ask me how I'm liking grad school, I've taken to answering honestly. I was tired of lying. Of saying that things were fine when I didn't feel like they were. But I think that I've discovered that there are good and bad things about both. It's ok to say that you're not fine. Sometimes voicing it gives you the power you've been needing to do something about it. To realize that it's ok to change paths if you don't like where the one you're on is leading you. But I've also realized that after you've voiced your frustrations, after you've gotten the motivation you need, you can go back to saying you're fine again for awhile. People are going to keep asking you the questions. You're going to have to keep answering again and again. And what you say over and over again becomes your mantra.

As someone who has always loved words, I've come to realize that a mantra is a powerful thing. My childhood copy of Charlotte's Web still has an honored place on my bookshelf because it holds a special meaning to me. My second grade teacher read it to us, a chapter at a time, after recess. And truly, I will never forget the way that I felt when, as she read the part of the book where Charlotte dies, she cried. Books are powerful. Words on a page can move people. And so can the words you repeat. Can the key to changing your attitude be as simple as changing your mantra? Kinda, yeah. Because as much as I like and appreciate honestly, saying over and over again that I hate grad school doesn't make me like grad school any more, nor does it make me feel any better. It just makes me dwell on the fact that I hate grad school. So why not try to pick out something good? Why not be thankful for all the incredible things in my life (of course that's where this is going, it's Thanksgiving).

I have an education, one of the most empowering things a person can ever have. I have the most wonderful parents a person could ask for. I have friends who love me for who I am, and who understand the new twenty. So I am fine. Always. In the big picture, I am always fine.