my sex education

One of the things that has been the most interesting to me here at Lawndale has been hearing different views on contraception. I came into this very skeptical. I'm very pro-contraception and many doctors at the clinic are not. I'm not quite so sure how I feel about contraception anymore. Here's why.

Many people would say this (like I used to): sure, abstinence is the best thing, but if people are going to have sex anyway, they should at least not be getting pregnant. Or: sure, try to be abstinent, but maybe you should be a birth control anyway just in case you screw up.

Here are some things you should know about the population that the clinic serves. It is probably 95% hispanic and african american and both of these cultures tend to be very religious. If you ask a patient here if they believe in Jesus, almost all will say yes. As my friend Justin said, "It's like: fried chicken, apple pie, and baby Jesus."



We had a conversation about this with Dr. Wayne Detmer whom I very much respect. He used to give out contraception to anyone who wanted it, but for the past year, he's only been giving it to married couples.

Here's why: he says,
"If a patient tells me that they believe in Jesus, I say something along the lines of, 'Well what do you think Jesus would think about you having sex with this person?' (in a non-judgemental, simply curious, tone of voice). And the patients say, 'I know what I'm doing is wrong'.


What Dr. Detmer has struggled with is the question of the fellow Christian. If this patient is saying that they believe in Jesus and that what they're doing is wrong, he's not just dealing with a patient, but with a fellow Christian. And is it wrong for him to endorse the sin of his fellow believer?


Here's the part that really gets me. Many of these girls have never been told that not having sex is an option. You ask them, "Is this the kind of guy you seeing yourself ending up with?" Their reaction is usually a resounding no. And you say, "Is this really what you want to be doing? Is it making you happy?" Not quite so resounding, but also usually a no. And when they hear that they don't have to have sex, the looks on their faces are shocking. Because it seems to plain to me- of course you don't have to have sex. But this is news to them.

Here's the kicker for me. One of the doctors said to us, "If I tell these young girls that they don't have to have sex, that their lives will be less complicated, that they don't want to get STDs, ect, and I say, 'I really think you should try abstinence' and then I give her the birth control anyway, just in case, the message I'm sending is, 'I think you should try to be abstinent, but I don't really believe you can." Wow, I just keep thinking about that. And I'm still not sure what I think.

Many of the patients here need someone to believe in them much more than they need birth control. I just can't get that thought out of my head. If you preach abstinence but continue to give birth control, you're sending the message that you don't believe abstinence is possible. That you don't believe your patients can be abstinent. That's what everyone has always told them. Someone needs to believe in them.

This is probably rambling, but I'm still trying to make sense of it in my head which is why it probably doesn't make sense here. Anyone have any thoughts? I'm open.